In the end, all it took was some discarded chapati, kadai paneer & dal. & I just burst into tears for the next hour or so. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Returning home after teaching a night class, I intended to heat up some great food my friend had cooked. Only to search the fridge from top to bottom & finally find everything in the rubbish bin. Holy schmoly, unleash the floodgates! Looking back, it seems like such a petty thing to get upset about. But after about 15 minutes into my bawling, I realized it was a blessing in disguise. I was finally able to admit to myself that I had been suppressing some pretty strong emotions for the past few weeks. Which got me thinking: how often do we suppress our true emotions? At the workplace, you have to 'be strong', because it's a dog eat dog world out there, & one should never show weakness, lest the predators pounce. Or your job requires a lot of public relations, so you are always required to carry a cheerful & smiley personality, because nobody likes a sourpuss, so anything less than Mr/Miss Sunshine = bad for business. At home, you don't share your sadness/troubles because you don't want your family members to worry about you. So, again with the 'all-is-well' act; probably even throw in an extra hearty laugh or two into the mix just to make it even more convincing. Yes, dear friends; we are each responsible for ourselves. & any mature person would understand the need to sort out their own shit by themselves instead of throwing it on others (more about this here: aaapan-gaand-hawai-dusar-ke-kare-dawai.html). (Artist unknown) So you stand at the driveway, smile broadly & wave goodbye to your loved ones as the taxi drives off. You bring out your best jokes when you are out with colleagues. & you fake smiles for the ones you love the most, sometimes even with those who you know damn well love you in return & understand you better than yourself. Because what can others do for you? So why trouble them? Especially if you already understand that everything is impermanent & 'this too shall pass', how many more times do you want to have the same conversation about the same thing? It isn't always the case that someone is too sensitive, or even dramatic. It isn't that they are weak. You never really know what a person is going through. Maybe you just happened to be in the vicinity when that last bloody piece of straw broke the camel's back. True, meditation helps you understand that everything comes & goes. But I always say, philosophy is not a dead thing. There is no one philosophy to end all other philosophies. Life is situational. Sometimes, all you need is someone to relate to, human to human. At other times, you need some time alone to sort out your thoughts. Either way, it's a-okey. What matters is that you are true to your own needs, each time. Are you truly present, or are you numb? :P :P :P I really love this statement: It's ok to not be ok. In fact, let me take that up a notch. It's more than ok to not be ok! It means that you are still alive. It means that you have not numbed yourself to this beautiful world. What is essential is that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off & get going again. No matter how slow you do it: Just. Move. Am I going to apologize for being 'too much' for some? Never! My ability to feel things deeply is what has helped me tremendously in my journey. It is what gives birth to my writings. It is what helps me connect with my students at the soul level. Yes, we come into this world alone, & we will go alone. Yet at my times of utter despair, it was the people around me who picked me up. I am the accumulation of the small, big, random, un-random acts of kindness shown to me by others. In the movie Spirited Away, after all her trials & tribulations, Zeniba gives Chihiro a hair tie & says: It will protect you. It's made from the threads your friends wove together. You are not alone. There is always, always someone who cares & understands. Decide. Decide what you need at this moment in time - whether it is some time alone to process things, a heart to heart conversation, what? Then get back onto your path. & always remember to pay it forward whenever possible. :) :) :)
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About Prabh LehriI am a yoga teacher based in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I am passionate about yoga as a form of healing on the physical, emotional & mental level. I have been on a yoga journey for almost a decade and have been formally sharing my experience in the last 4 years. Archives
December 2017
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