It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. - Emiliano Zapata - The beginning of freedom is having the guts to say 'no' to many things. To stand up for your beliefs, to politely decline to adhere to social norms, to create your own path - even if it means walking alone. Sometimes we may even need to go against the desires of those dear to us, simply because what they are demanding of us is not in line with our own principles. This may sound sacrilegious, but before kicking the idea, let’s take a deeper look at the matter. As gregarious creatures, our natural instinct is to want to fit in with the crowd – don’t rock the boat, lest I get kicked out of the community & have to fend for my own. In caveman times, when basic survival needs were the only priorities, this was legit. Being ostracized from society meant not only much more difficulties in finding food & shelter, but without the combined protection of the ‘herd’, being alone in the wild also made one more susceptible to predators. But in today’s day & age, the human race has prospered so much so that our ‘safe zones’ have increased tremendously. We no longer have to fear being attacked by predators of other species. Our means of getting basic needs & security are much different from that in the good ol’ days. Unfortunately, along with that, our civilized society has moved very much away from its true nature, & has started putting all kinds of unrealistic & unnecessary rules & conditions on its members. It has gotten to the point where it has even started dictating how, when, with whom & where we should be happy! If you look at it this way, isn’t it an utter madness we are living in? Think about it: Society says that by X years old you should have a college degree, by Y years old you should have a well-paying, stable job, by Z age you should get married – oh & don’t forget, in between all these you still have to play according to the rules! You should behave this way & not that; you can only be friends with this kind of people, not that; you can only be in a relationship this way & not that… Thought-provoking illustration by John Holcroft (johnholcroft.com/). Where does one draw the line between happily complying to the expectations of others, & sacrificing unnecessarily for the ideals of others? When do you put your foot down & say ‘ENOUGH’? Shakespeare said the whole world is a stage, & we are merely players. In Hinduism, it is said that life is a leela, a play. Each person is not born into a new play – we all come into a stage where a play is already ongoing. Surely, we still need to play our unique roles in this play; but to what extent? Roles are there, the play is there, but who are you? There is one grand play going on, but as individuals, we are constantly dictating the movies of our own lives. & you only get one chance at this – are you going to spend it making others happy, at the expense of your own happiness & well-being? Are you going to be just an extra, a background actor, in the movie of your life? Of course, there may be some reason & logic behind why society projects its ideals on its members. But at the end of the day, it is up to you to make the final decision. As long as you are not harming others, why should others force you into adhering to their ways of thought? & why should you feel obliged to comply? The beginning of freedom is having the guts to say 'no', because once you remove the things which make you unhappy, there is space for better things to enter your life. Mere jaan, it is never easy to live the life you love. Great courage is needed. Happiness is a very individual thing. Listen to your inner voice – what is it telling you? In my personal experience & observation of others’ experiences, when you stand up for what you believe in, at first you will be met with resistance – it is normal, because your actions are defying someone else’s authority over you, & in a way, you are making them question their personal beliefs. But this persecution is a small price to pay, & it is short-lived. At the end of the day, the people who love you will understand.
When life hangs precariously on the line – what matters then? Would you rather be loved for who you truly are, or for something/somebody you are not? The movie of your life is still filming - direct it according to you, & play it well! <3 <3 <3
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Imagine you are a child in kindergarten, & everyone has been given a potted plant to take care of. Each child tends to his/her plant, watering them, protecting them from caterpillars, & so on. This process goes on daily, for weeks. Then, one day, the whole class arrives to a room full of beautifully blooming roses – roses of all colours, shapes & sizes. They are all equally magnificent, both collectively & individually; but somehow...there is a feeling deep within you that your rose is the most special of all, isn't there? The colour of your rose may not be as bright as another, it may not be the biggest bloom of all, it may even have a few imperfections here & there. But still! ‘There’s soooooooomething about my rose that makes it so special!’ Yes, it may not live up to other people’s idea of beauty, you may even acknowledge this very fact within yourself. That’s why we are using the word ‘special’ instead of ‘most beautiful’ or ‘most xyz’. Differences will always exist. How can they not? If there is no darkness, how can there be light? If there is no left, how can there be a right? Yes, there exists a rose bigger than mine, there also exists a rose smaller than mine, there are some more fragrant than mine; the very existence of each rose makes them special in their own right. But what makes my rose special to me? Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's The Little Prince by is one of my favourite stories. It seems like a children's story, yet is pregnant with the philosophies of life. Dear friend, it has nothing to do with the actual rose itself, but the amount of love & devotion you have poured into it. To your friend, your rose flower may seem very normal, just like any other rose flower. In fact, his rose flower is the most special to him! & why shouldn’t it be? How amazing - such a seemingly simple thing changed our whole perception of a flower! Just one variable is different: the presence of love & devotion. You took care of your plant daily, provided water when needed, protected it from the harsh elements, gave nourishment in the right amounts; & the result was a rose flower. Your friend did the same with his plant too. So you both have a certain bond with your own roses, not with each other’s. Have you observed it? The things on which you pour your love & devotion are the things which are dearest to your heart. It may not be ‘the best’ according to what society says, it may be far from perfect, but still, you wouldn’t trade it for anything else! It may be your job, your hobbies, your relationships - a million other people will be doing the same thing as you; but what makes it unique to you yourself is that you have put your heart into it. & that makes all the difference! The mysterious thing about this whole phenomenon is that these two elements move you, & not the other way around. You cannot force them into being. They just appear out of nowhere & become the moving forces behind your actions & thoughts. Without any expectations nor thoughts of possession, everything just flows naturally, joyously, without unnecessary exertion. With sincerity, you do what needs to be done. Everything else just drops away naturally, without resistance. In fact, it seems more of a burden to suppress & stop the flow of things instead of just allowing them! Holy schmoley, Olivia..! Do love & devotion have their limits, though? They only seem limited when aspects of the mind are brought into play. If you are watering your rose plant daily, providing different fertilizers, but hoping to get sunflowers the next week....................then what? Is this truly an act of love? At the height of their existence, love & devotion are strong enough to let go. In their pure essence, they may appear to be cruel, but at the very core of the matter, their actions are for the greater good. What roles have love & devotion played in your life? How are they manifesting & being expressed in your being? Are they really there for the greater good, or just as an excuse to play small? Are they bringing joy & happiness to your life? Ah, relationships! The stuff of dreams & fairy tales to some, & of nightmares & horror stories to others! True, a relationship can either be heaven or hell. But if we want to grow personally & spiritually, we need to stop looking to our partners to fulfill our needs & desires, & start looking within. Have you noticed it? When your partner does not live up to your expectations, what goes on inside you? How do you react? It doesn't necessarily have to be the big things in life - something as unassuming as them leaving their towel on the bathroom floor, or not texting to ask how your day went, or even not answering your call by the 3rd ring - what kind of reaction comes up within you? Have you ever asked yourself why these reactions are there to be triggered in the first place? Are you able to fully accept your partner as he/she is? Are you only nice to them when they meet your idea of them? Is the relationship only harmonious when they play according to your rules? Are you always demanding something from them? Are relationships merely an opportunity for us to fulfill our egos? When we enter into relationships, what happens more often than not is that we start taking the other for granted. In a way, we start assuming that they are exact replicas of ourselves; in thought, in action, in likes & dislikes. We may also start expecting more from them, sometimes unrealistically. We forget that the other is a free individual in their own right, & that their very individuality is what we loved about them in the first place! Nobody can make you happy. It is nobody's job to keep you happy. & it is nobody's obligation to be with you forever. It seems an ugly statement, but it is the truth nonetheless. But if we look at it objectively, how can the truth be ugly, unless smeared with the mud of our own thoughts & perceptions? Truth is the truth, your personal ideas of it do not change it. In reality, the other is a mirror to our own selves. & a mirror does nothing other than reflect. If you put a flower in front of it, it reflects a flower. If you put a donkey in front of it, it will never show you a kangaroo! The other is not an object to be manipulated, nor someone to be possessed. He/She is a divine mirror to yourself. Whatever your mirror shows you, be grateful, express gratitude; because everything is happening for your growth. :) A relationship can only start blossoming when both individuals are not dependent on each other, & take active responsibility for their own well-being & emotions. Relationship is beautiful because it is a mirror. But there are stupid people – they see their face in the mirror & they see it is ugly so they destroy the mirror. The logic is apparent: this mirror is making them ugly, so destroy the mirror & then they are beautiful. Relationship is a mirror. Wherever you are related with a person – a wife, a husband, a friend, a lover, an enemy – a mirror is there. The wife mirrors the husband. You can see yourself there. & if you see an ugly husband, don’t try to leave your wife – the ugliness is in you. Drop that ugliness. The mirror is beautiful; be thankful to this mirror. But stupid & cowardly people always escape & renounce; brave & wise people always live in relationship & use it as a mirror. Living with someone is a constant mirroring around you. Every moment the other reveals you, exposes you. The closer the relationship, the clearer is the mirror; the more distant the relationship, the less clear is the mirror. - Osho - |
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About Prabh LehriI am a yoga teacher based in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I am passionate about yoga as a form of healing on the physical, emotional & mental level. I have been on a yoga journey for almost a decade and have been formally sharing my experience in the last 4 years. Archives
December 2017
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